When trust and love is lost.

I have a hard time trusting people. Especially when it comes to relationships.  Some may say “what a lonely way to live”. But its served me well to keep people at arms length at times. When I do let someone in to my circle of trust they had taken the time to build that trust with me and its over a long time. But no matter how long its taken to build that trust, it balances on a very narrow pillar. It can sway from time to time, but if the foundation of that trust is built properly, it can withstand a lot of sway. But then comes to a point where that sway is so great, that no matter the foundation it breaks. Recently that’s happened to me. I gave someone my ultimate trust. I gave them my heart and my feelings for them. In return they were destroyed as if it were nothing. Did I ever really mean anything to them if they were able to take my feelings and toss them aside as if they were nothing? What’s worse it was with someone else I had let in to my circle of ultimate trust. That was a mistake. What’s over all the worst part of this? That I am the one to blame. I took a flawed model of whom I trust and applied it to them and when I confided in them that at some point they would betray me just like the rest did in the same manor as the rest they “reassured me they could never do that.” What a crock if shit! But, being the type of person I am I gave them the benefit of doubt and trust that this time it was going to be different. This was not going to be like it was with people in my past. Yet…… It still happened almost to a tea of what has happened before. How disappointing. Most of that disappointment is of myself. I actually believed in this could be different. But again my previous inclinations were proven to be correct. They overall weren’t trustworthy of neither affections nor good stewards of my love and feelings for them.

 

Will I trust again? At this point…. I really don’t know. I’m tired of being hurt. I’m tired of being the fall guy. I’m tired of giving a damn and then discarded like a piece of garbage.

 

Over all I’m just tired… Mainly of people that will use your affections to their own ends because no one else wants to hear it anymore.

 

I’m tired of trying to be happy in life. My life has been one disappointing thing after another. Oh I’m happy for a little while, but the times of happiness are becoming shorter and shorter.

 

Do i deserve to be happy? Ultimately… No. I do not. Do I deserve to find someone that will stand by me no matter what? Again no I do not. Would I like for it to happen? I’ve been wanting it to happen so much now that its become like a trip down a long road with no end in sight. Maybe the road of happiness I’m trying to get to is on another path or maybe I should just stop looking. Sadly, happiness will come back again to trust.  And because of what the people in the past had done to me, it will take earning that trust even more and they will eventually tire of trying to gain that trust and do the same thing the others had done to me. Toss me aside like trash.

 

But when, not if it happens, i at least wont have to feel the knife of betrayal in my back yet again.

 

So be aware if I don’t trust you right away, its not you nor me but what others had done to me before. They are to blame.

Going Militant #Atheist During Atheist Week 2012

Yes, you read that right. I went militant atheist this week. As this week was Atheist week, I decided I wasn’t going to let the so called religious people at work steer the conversation towards that side any longer.

With people posting stuff they had printed out from home, filled with messages about how “good god was” or some story bringing the conversation to make it look like their god is so great.  Enough was enough! I stepped out of the shadows to show them that they didn’t control the world! Well at least not this part of it anyway.

I had discreetly posted a few things I printed out and hung them up for everyone to see.

The final outcome of my posting was faster than I had expected. Which goes to show just how uptight and stuck in their myths they are entrenched.  I will admit that I didn’t take credit for posting the things I printed out, but I was quite thoroughly accused of it w/o hard evidence (Which they are quick to do now a days). I did however get a “talking to, even though I admitted to nothing and told them that while I was used to being the whipping boy over such things, that if it saves someone else I was glad to do it and told them that I wasn’t the only Atheist that works there but I would not name names as it was not place to out them.

The outcome I was hoping for was simple that people would get to talk, communicate and possibly that others that work there that were closeted Atheists would know that they were not alone. Especially this week.

However, that was not the outcome I got. But The end result was still a positive one regardless.

Now due to the “Sh*t storm” this created well at least according to the early morning dispatcher I deal with still asked me if I did it, and I told him flat out “No”. Ok, its a lie. I know that. But in this world filled with over zealous Christians just looking for any excuse to put the axe to us any way they can, I wasn’t ready to go that far. Not just yet. I still have to eat and feed my family so do you really blame me for telling them a fib in this instance? And for the record, its the first time I ever lied to them about ANYTHING! And quite frankly It doesn’t bother me. At least not in regards to this event.

I had continued switching the postings in the morning up until Wednesday morning when I got confronted by my manager.

By today (Thursday morning) I was planning on posting one more things, the original title of the posting was going to be “Since when did god have a problem killing babies” and a bunch of scriptures that supported it.  But after being confronted I thought I would be a bit more subtle about it. Use the same scriptures but use a different title “Gods Love”

Here is the button I was taking the scriptures from:

Here is the recreated one with the new title:

Same scriptures. However by the time I had this made, I found out that the “Sh*t storm” that the postings created, the outcome was now no one could post anything in the drivers room without approval from the terminal manager. Some may say, that takes away any fun stuff that someone might bring. Well, that is one way to look at it, but the other is that now included in that, now no one can post ANY religious materials in there either. Neither for or against religion.

The conversation has now been muted from the Atheist side of thing, but it has also silenced the religious side as well. I call that balance and that is still a WIN in my book!

Now my workplace will be free from religious dogma from now on, and if I never post another Atheist type posting either; I can live with that. It’s more so that the Christians are the ones that will be brooding more now that the forum for pushing their dogma is now closed off and that makes them angry.

Well I have one thing to say about that… TOUGH! Keep your religion to yourself! The rest of us don’t want to hear about it. Your faith or god is not something I want to listen to in anyway, and others as well but may have been to scared to say anything out of fear for their jobs or being ostracized by others.  I’ve been an outside my whole life. This is nothing that is new to me so it affects me little if that happens.

Plus when when we have to talk about this, and their beliefs are challenged they run away and cry foul when we fight back.

Well no more. At least not in my part of the world you won’t anymore.

Your dogma is dead there as it should be.  There and everywhere else.

 

Your Witness part 3

Just got called back into court this morning. I wonder what’s up?

At the courthouse now. Just found out they have a few more questions they wanted to ask me.

Well the other DA just came back out and told me they didn’t need me back after all. Bit I’m still “sequestered” if they should need me again.

Well at least I wasn’t late. Lol

The Chupacabra is in the house!

Well during the day today, I woke up with an unexpected surprise. Yet another mouse was caught in my house. I was in a bit of a hurry to get to court this morning as I had stated in the two previous posts. However, I had an unexpected event happen once I left. When I checked the trap the mouse appeared to be quite dead. In fact I’m quite sure it was dead. I had time between in the hearing to come home for a brief time to charge my phone. and I neglected to remove the critter right away. I would take care of it once I retuned home after court. Dealing with a dead mouse is not something I enjoy doing. When I got home i went to remove it and the trap was gone. I thought that maybe the kids had gotten brave and did it themselves. This was not to be the case! After looking around the kitchen it appeared that the trap was dragged to the sink and when i pulled it out the mouse corpse was missing! Ok this was a little creepy! Apparently I have something in my house that likes the taste of dead bodies. So I have now reset my rat trap and baited it. I wonder what I will catch in that?

I should note that I don’t think there is a real chupacabra in my house, but that mouse trap didn’t empty itself! I just wonder if I have a bigger mouse that took the body and ate it or perhaps a bigger animal is in here too.

Your Witness part 2

Back at court. Talking with the DA before we go back in.

First witness in this case I’m involved with just left the DA’s office to go into court.

They do have some rather comfortable chairs in this waiting room. And full cable access! Wish my living room was this nice.

Nearly an hour later now from when I got back to the courthouse and witness two going up now.

Still waiting right now.

Well another hour has past at the time of this writing and I’m finally going to be testifying before too long.

Looks like there is yet another break.

As I was waiting for my turn in the box I seen the other two witnesses in this case coming out with tears in their eyes.

The defense from what understand is a real prick of a personality.

Which for the defense is rather unusual.

Just got a few last min questions from the prosecutor, before I go in. Again nothing that might hurt me in anyway or the case hopefully.

So I sit here waiting and wondering what he will come up with to try to break me?

In the courtroom now waiting for court to resume.

Right now, the only people here in the courtroom so far besides myself is a bailiff a couple of officers, the defendant and a friend of one of the other witnesses.

I’m not sure how damaging to the defendants testimony I’m going to be, but I will do what I need to do because it’s the right thing to do.

Well just got done testifying. The defense didn’t even ruffle me in the least! Sad. I was really expecting more of an attack from what I was told about him.

Well I won’t know the outcome of this case for several days yet. I will post again once I do.

Your Witness part 1

This is an interesting day for me. I’m taking part in a court case which I’m a witness in this particular case. Very strange being on this side of the case. For the prosecution. I’m no stranger to dealing with the courts a couple times as the defendant in a few and once so far as being part of a jury. But the first time as a witness. The case I’m involved with is one of a serious nature. As of the time of me writing this I’m in the same exact court room I was a juror in. Talk about the random selection. Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket next? Na. Currently waiting in the courtroom for jury selection to see who knows who and see who stays, who goes, and who is the alternates. I went through this process from the jury box previously. The case has been in the process of getting it’s act together for several months now. For this particular one I was served three times to be a witness. Why three? The first two times the case was rescheduled and had to wait for most of the year for this date to come. The trial is supposed to be at least four days. However, my part of it will hopefully done today. Not that I wouldn’t mind skipping work with a real good excuse, but it’s not going to happen. The judge just entered the room. The defendants lawyer and prosecutor are now going back and forth on some video taped recording that a mic accidentally picked up. Now talking about opening statements how witnesses won’t be present for them. Both get to strike five jurors. I know this may be a bit dry for you however, taking part in this is all new for me but, I’ll try not to bore you to tears. Lol.

Still awaiting the jury selection at this point and having discussions with the others that I’m involved in the case with. Not talking about the case, but general chit chat.

The defendant just entered the room.

Still waiting…. Just an observation here the courts are a lot like everything else. Hurry up and wait. And so we wait.

I have the option of after I testify to stay in the courtroom or leave.

Jury coming in now.

So far I don’t recognize anyone in the jury pool. However, as I have a face a lot of people somehow just seem to know I wonder if anyone will say they know me?

The jury is taking the religious oath. (facepalm) I think I heard one of the jurors say “amen” instead of I do.

The judge is giving instructions to the jury now and the possible alternates. Nearly half hour later.

Just introduced to the jury along with other witnesses.

So far the jurors are recognizing others. Mainly the professionals in the case. Not me at least. (I’d be talking to my publicist if I had one. Lol)

The prosecutor is now addressing the jury.

The questions they ask trying to whittle down the jury pool by asking some in depth questions.

Some of the questions being asked are if they had anything related to the case in their past.

So far I think two of the jurors may be dismissed.

One juror has just been excused from the pool and an alternate has just stepped in.

Oh bonus. One of the jurors is a retired priest. In relation to this case I don’t think he would be a good person for this.

Third person just just admitted that if the defendant is in court he did it. And he just got excused. Alternate number two in the batting box. (Really all is missing is the cage to make it a batting box. Ok, that and a baseball diamond.)

The prosecutor just got the jury to laugh. Very unusual tactic. But a good one!

The defense is now asking questions. Took a lot less time than the prosecution did.

They are now going through who they want to kick off the pool.

Of of the alternates has such a variety of experiences going on in his past I think he my be excused from the pool. Although there is no water and not wearing swimwear, the whole notion of a “pool” is an interesting way to look at it.

The bailiff just had to sush two alternate jurors.

Already at the two hour mark and the lawyers have come to an agreement to who will be let go.

Looks like the priest got on the jury. This won’t end well.

Now on break. Was sequestered to the DA’s office for a short time.

Where Packard and hoyty toyty met

Well another weekend vacation has come and gone for another year. Again went to Wisconsin Dells, and was almost hoping to get bothered by one of those street preachers, but alas it did not happen. Well in this instance it was accidentally on purpose. Ok, that does need to be somewhat explained. The first day we got here was because I had gotten 3 free tickets to one of the local water parks via my local cell company for getting a line for my oldest daughter. Which due to work made the day much shorter and I was not happy with to say the least! However, they only had two or three really fun things to do there and we ended up leaving after several hours there. I was expecting more I guess, but it was worth the price I paid. Almost nothing. The second day we really weren’t sure what we were going to do when my older sister chimed in and said “I have three all day free passes to Noah’s Ark.” When I was a kid I used to bike out to this park all the way from the town I lived in just to see this place. Of course there are far more water rides there now then when I was a kid, so there was much more to see. So my kids and I spent a good portion of our day there. While there were still several hours left before the park was to close for the day I had pretty much had it with all the walking around you have to do there. I was in serious pain by this point from it and ready to have my feet under a set of wheels. Now a few rides there you had to wait for up to 30 mins to ride that lasted a whole two mins or less. However, they were fun. We then went to the exhibit called “Robot World” it’s science mixed in with tourism. Oh yea… More walking. At least this time it was mostly down hill. LOL

My youngest daughter wanted crab legs so we stopped at the first seafood restaurant we came to afterwards. Big mistake!!! For crab legs they wanted $44.00! Ummm what? No. Sorry. But, we stayed and had a slightly less expensive items on the menu which were over $10.00 for a simple meal at most places you would pay half or less for. Which between three people was still quite expensive. My oldest daughter noticed afterwards that while they charged ghastly amounts for the items they had, there should have been playing some much better music there at least! The kind you would think a “fancy expensive” restaurant should be playing anyway. Most every one in there was dressed pretty nice and I was so far removed from dressed nice. A t-shirt with a few small holes in it and shorts. Oh, I was as out of place there as a mouse at a cat convention. Nevertheless I was not going to be pressured to act any different then I normally would. My oldest daughter did succumb to it to a small degree, she ate her French fries with a fork. LOL! I was able to maintain who was despite the surroundings I was in at the time. They say that having money changes people. Not that I had acquired a large amount as I had been saving all year to go on vacation, so I could enjoy myself while I was there in the Dells. But, after meeting the well to do on their own “playground” I feel that if that were to happen that I should suddenly get a large amount of money from a lottery or the like, I don’t see it would be able to change who I am. I wonder how many others can say the same?

Vactionious intruptus

I generally never make plans to far in advance with the type of job I have as they often throw me a curve ball on the day I’ve made plans. Today as it turns out to be no exception. Hadn’t made plans on advance in awhile and when I made plans to go go on vacation, work does it to me again! No notice or chance to get anyone else to do it. Pain in the butt! All I can do at this point is just get through it as quickly as possible but I know that everyone else will be throwing up roadblocks without even realizing it. So much for heading out on vacation when I wanted to leave.

Why do Christians always try the same arguments over and over again?

This morning I got in to a debate on my personal facebook page with someone that I wasn’t able to reply to as they had removed me from the page before I could defend myself. Well Being the tech person I am, I was able to directly reply to what they said and it turned in to a debate. I was so not impressed with his arguments and yes, I had to mock them a little as well. Then, when a gun was mentioned, I pretty much ended the conversation at that point. I took them to task on every point they made and deflected any that they may have intended to make as well. They were way too easy. They thought I would be an easy mark. They were wrong. Everything is pretty much exact, except for any spelling errors I corrected. There is some “Adult” language in here at the bottom. When they start swearing you know they already lost the discussion.

 

This is how it started I put ” ” on what they said to start off with so it helps with context of where it started out.

 

I’m going to answer you here as I was booted off the page to kept from replying.

“So how do you think you were created,”
I was created by my mom. I have evidence she exsisted.

“there are never atheists in a fox hole,”

Really? Thats a lie. http://www.militaryatheists.org/expaif.html

“its amazing that people can doubt the power of God”

What power? Show me something that I can test then we can talk. “Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.” ~ Carl Sagan

“but when something bad happens they say there can’t be.a.god”

I say there is no god bad or good times. So what’s your excuse?

“or ask why would god do this to us,”

Yet people with your belief use the same reason to say that god shook Japan.

“your entitled to your own belief but don’t mock others of theirs.”

I have every right to mock you as you would mock anyone else that you don’t agree with. “People who don’t like their beliefs being laughed at shouldn’t have such funny beliefs.”

……It then continued….

 

Them:

Dude you have no idea who Iam, Iam a born again Christian who mock no one, you can be an atheists that’s fine, I know that when I die I will be in a glorious place. What happens to you when you die is your own destiny. I knew a guy who was an athiest his whole life until on his death bed did he renounce his wisdom and decided to walk with Christ then live in hell. The founding fathers built the constitution on their belief in god, its people like you that want to take god out of everything. Iam a DISCIPLE of Christ and there is nothing you can do about it. This is a Christian nation, and Iam praying for you.

Me:

I don’t care if you are a born again Christian or not. You don’t have any proof that you are going anywhere after you die, so why do you believe it? When I die I cease to exist just like you will and everyone else that has ever lived. There is no heaven. You need to grow up. Then your friend was never a true atheist to begin with. And these death bed confessions don’t impress me. Not one bit. I came in to this world an atheist, I will go out the same way. Again you are wrong, The founding fathers were dests. You need to crack open a book once in awhile and stop being spoon fed lies.

http://freethought.mbdojo.com/foundingfathers.html

You can pray all you want to, it will have the same effect if you sat in a dark closet and talked to yourself. No one hears you then or now.

 

Them:

You quote Carl sagan, show me proof that this universe was created by the big bang. Here is proof, 1992 Astronomy magazine the hubble space telescope stated thAt when it was time to look through it scientists who believed in the big bang theory were scared that they would see the face of god, explain that please.

 

Me:

You can spout all the religious lies you want to, I have facts. Something you don’t have. When you grow up and realize this then maybe you will have your mind open to that.

Me:

Show you proof? You believe a god exists you are the one that needs to show the proof. Secondly I could send you all kinds of proof, all day and night. that shows explained repeatable testable evidence to that fact yet you most likely would ignore it. There is no face of god. Then you need to explain why that over 90% of scientists are Atheists. Any scientist that says there is a god, I wouldn’t trust them with a laboratory set for 12 year olds.

Me:

I have taken on lots of “believers” and if you think you can say anything now that is going to scare me, you can just think twice as it’s not going to happen. Oh and don’t try that If you just believe stuff or the if you don’t believe you will burn in hell, telling an Atheist they are going to hell is like telling a christian that you are going to narnea. We don’t care.

Me:

When it comes to this, you are already intellectually outmatched. I have facts. Show me PROOF your god exists. Looking outside seeing trees, birds, whatever you want to come up with isn’t proof. Thats nature. It formed naturally. Pick up a book and read how evolution works.

Me:

If you think Science is wrong, then you need to put your computer back in the box and take it back to the store. It was built using science. If you are running Windows, you should know this that an Atheist made it.

http://www.celebatheists.com/index.php?title=Bill_Gates

Me:

If you show me HARD PROOF that your god exists, then I might change my mind, so unlike you, my mind is open. But until then, what you believe is nothing but a lie and I will continue to think so until new and credible information comes along.

Them:

How about this you believe what you want and I will do the same, I have proof that my god exists, when a friend of mine was diaganosed with terminal cancer and was given 2 months to live, after accepting.g his fate he decided to thank god for his short time on earth. 1 month later at a doctors appointment he was shocked to find out that the.cancer was gone. The doctors were so shocked they tested him 3 times so either your going to say not true or it was just a freak of nature. I know he was healed, I don’t go around mocking atheists, its funny you say that cause Iam sure you or someone you know drives around this area mocking Christians for their faith on a truck well if you ever see my truck it says JESUS SAVES.

Me:

I bet you thought when you replied, I wouldn’t be able to defend myself. Well buddy, you were wrong again.

 

Me:

You have proof? Show me the proof! So your fiend got better? Thats your proof? HAHAHA Think about this then, lets say 10 people with the same cancer are going to die. one survives, the others 9 don’t. 1 out of nine is pretty bad odds. I wouldn’t take that kind of odds at Vegas! Does Jesus save at Citi bank too? LOL Your jesus is a lie and totally made up. If you are uninformed as I imagine you are, you apparently don’t realize that the story of jesus is a copy of other pagan stories.

http://www.pocm.info/

Now you are going to say next that the devil went back in time to place all that stuff there so we don’t believe it. Well buddy, if thats true then your god must not be as powerful as you think he is. If the devil could go back in time, was god to busy or forgot or wasn’t able to go back in time too to stop him?

 

Them: (This is where he started typing in caps, so I knew he was already starting to loose it.)

IAM NOT DOUBTING SCIENCE, I HAVE A DEGREE IN ASTRO PHYSICS FROM A DIVISION 1 SCHOOL. BUT IAM STILL A CHRISTIAN, YOU CAN POST WHATEVER YOU WANT, IT’S SAd that your so angry with people. You post shit just to get people upset well I’m not upset so you lose.

 

Them: ( This is where the gun is mentioned.)

The only time you won’t be able to defend yourself is when you throw the first punch unless you bring a gun.

 

Me:

You have a degree in Astro physics? And you believe this crap you are spouting? What do you use it for toilet paper? What a waste of money and time was spent on you then. I’m angry with people? I do get angry when I don’t get the chance to reply and defend myself as anyone else would. I don’t post shit to upset people. Thats where you are wrong and thats another very Christian thing to do, when loosing claim victory anyway. LOL By doing that you already lost.

Me:

Really Atheist throw the first punch? When you go around claiming there is a god and people HAVE TO believe it, you already threw the first punch, we are blocking it with reason. Really? I used words. Show me my gun. If you consider words a gun then rat a tat tat. Did it kill you? No, because they are words. Besides I never mentioned a gun. You did. How very Christian of you to incite violence just like other believers do when they can’t get their way. Ever thought of becoming Muslim? You already starting down the road of hate, why not make it a full swing right in to the hate camp with the rest of them! LOL BTW Muslims also have crazy religion as well. I would stand up to any one of them with my words as I did to you. So punch all you like, we are not going away anytime soon.

Me:

BTW I will be posting a copy of this on Atheist forums I visit (I will take your name off of it so you don’t get more people with reason to visit you and tell you how lame you are) I would like to say this was a good exercise for me, but really you weren’t much of a challenge. YAWN!!

 

Thats where it ended there. I guess I embarrassed the them enough. But I am true to my word and kept their name off of it.  I do wonder if they will do the Christian thing, claim victory and add in crap that was never there to begin with and claim they set me straight or whatever.  When I said it wasn’t much of a challenge, it really wasn’t. Try harder next time.

The Ten Commandments of Sonictology

Ok, maybe not commandments but some good suggestions at any rate. A while back I said I was going to come up with my own religion, which I have dubbed “Sonictology”*  I thought a good way to start out would be a my own version of the “Ten Commandments” that make sense. Well, at least to me they do anyway. Also it will pay taxes. No leaching off everyone else.

Enjoy!

 

The Ten Commandments of Sonictology

1. Follow @Packard_Sonic on Twitter. Or not. It’s up to you. It’s your Twitter account follow who ever you want to.

2. Any other account that might claim to be me on twitter might be me or not.  These are the other ones that really are me, so if you want to follow them as well they are as follows: @PackardSonic, @Packard_Music, & @PackardPokesAt

3. If you Message me on Twitter be sure to at least type something after you type my name. I can’t read your mind!

4. Message me any time. Even on Sunday. It’s just another day of the week.

5. If you like what I have to say on Twitter, feel free to message me. That makes my day!

6. I ask that you don’t randomly delete your account if we have started a dialog.  It makes talking to you that much harder. However if you want to, who am I to stop you?

7. If you are going to talk dirty in the open on Twitter, I’m grabbing the popcorn!

8. Don’t use my twitter icon. Then again why would you even want to? It’s a picture of me after all. I wouldn’t wish this face on anyone else.

9. Please don’t make stuff up when you talk to me. I has “The Google” and can check your “facts”.

10. If you like a Tweet I did and want others to see it, please retweet them and add RT @Packard_Sonic . Well… You don’t HAVE to, but its good form and don’t say I didn’t ask nicely.

 

*Note This is just for fun and no actual religion has actually been established.