Packard Sonic’s Blog
From the mind of Packard Sonic. Buckle up for this ride!

Family, Friends, and the Funeral

The beginning of the year 2010 didn’t start out as well as I had hoped it would. For most people the beginning of the year is a way to have a new start and new ideas. I can’t say that I had ever planned or wanted to have to go to a funeral. Not saying that beginning of the year is any better to have or to have to go to a funeral than any other, but I would hope that the middle of winter is a good time to have one either. In this instance the funeral for my last remaining parent. My dad. My dad was in to football, sports, and drinking… Lots, and lots of drinking, not to mention the smoking which eventually lead to his eventual hospitalization then his death. His body finally gave out on him at age 72. I wasn’t there when he passed away and the family all knew it was going to happen sooner or later, and for at least half the family it was sad to say that they didn’t attend the last day he was around or anyone was going to have to hear his name spoken or talked about. For the ones that did go to the services, the ones that didn’t show up were concerned about the ones that were going to show up were going to make their lives hell, and when they actually act like a human being to the other brothers and sisters that did show up, make the ones that didn’t show up now have another reason to be upset with them for making them feel outcasts of the family. Then there are the ones that didn’t show up because they just hated him for the things he did and didn’t do for them when they were growing up. Regardless of the things he did, didn’t do, or acted like, he was still my dad. I can’t say he wasn’t there for me at every turn in my life or to give me “fatherly advice” that is unless it was something most people would consider very inappropriate or not really germane to the situation. The most surprising thing about my dad’s funeral was reconnecting with an old friend I hadn’t seen in almost 20 years. It was interesting to learn how the people that you lost touch with, how their lives had changed so much without you being there and a part of it in some way and you then wonder if you had been there, if the way their lives would have still turned out the way that they did. Of course this also applies to other family members you see now and then, which is more often, less than more. As our lives change around us, we sometimes forget that the people that we have contact with affects our lives, often in ways we don’t expect. After the funeral there was shutting down of his house. As no one was going to be there any longer or needing the roof over their heads, the bits of remaining family that stayed to help clear out his last remaining possessions and figure out what little bits of the things that you would hope that he would want you to have. Sad thing is, that in his last remaining weeks and days he had put someone in charge of the last little bits of his life that they wanted me to “buy back” my own picture from them in an estate sale! There is something to be said about people like this that really make you wonder about what their true motives are. During this cleaning time to rid the house for food and liquids until the estate sale which will happen sometime later on this year, which will let make me re-live this whole day all over again, I had several things rather unexpected happen. One of my nieces who was there, who knew about this had told me that she was going to try to get the picture away from this person so I wouldn’t have to buy it back. For no other reason other than that she loved me. Growing up I tried to be a positive influence in her life, and without me around for a part of it, her life had gone in a very different direction than some one would hope for. But the long and short of it, regardless of the outcome, she still had respect and admiration for me. As I said, there were several things that happened that surprised me at this last time I would be seeing this part of my family for awhile, that my own daughter who has now been to her third funeral of a grand parent, while she is now 15, I couldn’t believe the way she acted. Well, it wasn’t so much of, what she did, which she was helpful and all when asked, but she was questioning as to the why we were doing and taking the few items we did. Well, she is young yet and while that isn’t an excuse for it, she doesn’t really deep down truly understand what it’s like to loose her parents. That will happen one day as we all eventually reach that final day, but until that happens she won’t truly know. Even loosing my mother 4 years prior really doesn’t fully prepare you for loosing them both eventually. What eats a person up inside the most when this happens is regret. When you wonder the should of or could of done things differently. The why’s and the why not’s will roll around in your head for the rest of your days wondering if you did the right thing or the wrong thing regarding the way you had contact with him during the time you did have. Although hind site as they say is 20/20, regrets and memories are all you will have from that day forward. Cherish the memories and hopefully you don’t just forget the regrets, but learn from them with your own kids and hopefully changing the way they see you as you seen him and hopefully that in the end, that there will be more good spoken about you than the little bits that they had to put together to fill time at the days your family will be together to remember you.

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5 Responses to “Family, Friends, and the Funeral”

  1. I am truly very sorry for the loss of your dad. While I had only met him twice I thought he was a very nice man and regardless of how he acted I could see the love he had for you. For some men, they have a lot of trouble showing their children love.

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  4. Man, that must be the most emotional and truly heart-touching thing I have ever read in my whole life.

    So sorry for your loss. But memories don’t go away, keep’em with you all the time! I bet you’ll have a smile on your face some years from now remembering the good times.

  5. Thank u so much for writing this blog, it really touched my heart. I recently lost my dear father in April 2008. His passing was sudden & unexpected and I felt such heartache. Reading ur blog gave me a lot of comfort & I esp like when u say that 20/20, regrets, & memories are all u have from that day forward and to cherish the memories but not forget the regrets and hopefully learn from them. I miss my dad so much & I treasure my memories of him. My father was originally from Racine, Wi & he was also a huge football fan who enjoyed his German beer. He was 77 when he passed & had such a love and appreciation for life but his body was just too weak from the cancer. Losing my dad has made me appreciate my life & my family more and has changed my perspective on so many things. I always think about what I could have done or said differently & I still struggle with those thoughts. I hope that some day if I ever have kids that I will remember these things. Your writing is so heartfelt & I can really identify with what you’re saying. Thank you so much for writing this blog & sharing your feelings & experiences. You are a gifted writer & your words are both beautiful & touching. I am now a new dedicated fan of ur blog. Thank u, @Packard_Sonic, my new Twitter Friend. *hugz* Love, @Starrz2010


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